Things here now seem as if they are nothing at all, no surprise really.
But now it feels as if the place where I am is but a terrible dream from which I cannot wake, and there with you is reality, the place where I should be waking.
Those couple days are more than I could have hoped and wished, having been next to you for those days I felt alive, and the happiest I have truly been.
It's funny here, because everyone I work with keeps asking me how my trip was, and I look at them and all I can say is that I never wanted to come back, that I just wanted to stay and that I wish that I had.
Then they tell me that I should just move out there, and I laugh a little and tell them that I wish I could, and how I've been seriously thinking on it.
I don't think my dreams or thoughts have ever been so sharp and vivid as they have now become, still in the usual sense of things, the dream sbeing of all times, not things of a pervy nature, just the simplistics that usually plague me. Only now being so sharp and so vivid that it is almost the same as truly being by your side. This is the most disenheartening thing to me, because now I wake up with tears, and trying to explain why I have tears in my eyes tends to be quite an issue. So many people who aren't even attached to my life in that way get jealous so easily, and I have to wonder why they are so. They have their own lives and connections that they shove down my throat so often it would make me gag if it were truly physical.
There is so much more that I want to say right now, but I cannot. Partially because of timing, and the rest being because I know there are people who read through my things whilst not being listed because they like to keep an eye as if somehow I will say something so terrible, or have some terrible thing happen that they can laugh about.
I miss you terribly mein Licht, and I wish I had never left....
But now it feels as if the place where I am is but a terrible dream from which I cannot wake, and there with you is reality, the place where I should be waking.
Those couple days are more than I could have hoped and wished, having been next to you for those days I felt alive, and the happiest I have truly been.
It's funny here, because everyone I work with keeps asking me how my trip was, and I look at them and all I can say is that I never wanted to come back, that I just wanted to stay and that I wish that I had.
Then they tell me that I should just move out there, and I laugh a little and tell them that I wish I could, and how I've been seriously thinking on it.
I don't think my dreams or thoughts have ever been so sharp and vivid as they have now become, still in the usual sense of things, the dream sbeing of all times, not things of a pervy nature, just the simplistics that usually plague me. Only now being so sharp and so vivid that it is almost the same as truly being by your side. This is the most disenheartening thing to me, because now I wake up with tears, and trying to explain why I have tears in my eyes tends to be quite an issue. So many people who aren't even attached to my life in that way get jealous so easily, and I have to wonder why they are so. They have their own lives and connections that they shove down my throat so often it would make me gag if it were truly physical.
There is so much more that I want to say right now, but I cannot. Partially because of timing, and the rest being because I know there are people who read through my things whilst not being listed because they like to keep an eye as if somehow I will say something so terrible, or have some terrible thing happen that they can laugh about.
I miss you terribly mein Licht, and I wish I had never left....
