Aeis Frigidail

Things here now seem as if they are nothing at all, no surprise really.

But now it feels as if the place where I am is but a terrible dream from which I cannot wake, and there with you is reality, the place where I should be waking.

Those couple days are more than I could have hoped and wished, having been next to you for those days I felt alive, and the happiest I have truly been.

It's funny here, because everyone I work with keeps asking me how my trip was, and I look at them and all I can say is that I never wanted to come back, that I just wanted to stay and that I wish that I had.

Then they tell me that I should just move out there, and I laugh a little and tell them that I wish I could, and how I've been seriously thinking on it.


I don't think my dreams or thoughts have ever been so sharp and vivid as they have now become, still in the usual sense of things, the dream sbeing of all times, not things of a pervy nature, just the simplistics that usually plague me. Only now being so sharp and so vivid that it is almost the same as truly being by your side. This is the most disenheartening thing to me, because now I wake up with tears, and trying to explain why I have tears in my eyes tends to be quite an issue. So many people who aren't even attached to my life in that way get jealous so easily, and I have to wonder why they are so. They have their own lives and connections that they shove down my throat so often it would make me gag if it were truly physical.



There is so much more that I want to say right now, but I cannot. Partially because of timing, and the rest being because I know there are people who read through my things whilst not being listed because they like to keep an eye as if somehow I will say something so terrible, or have some terrible thing happen that they can laugh about.

I miss you terribly mein Licht, and I wish I had never left....

Daeasigi

So, now there is a plan.

November 8th, November 9th, I will be available in town, and on November 10th, I will have to be up early to catch my ride back.

I cannot wait to see you once again

Feayol Icarud

So it's my birthday (again), and despite all the people clammoring at me, and the usual things, I really only wish that you were here, I know that I say it too much, but I miss you.

Another year, honestly I think I'm just getting tired of birthdays and aging again



On a different note, now I know what kind of car I intend to get once I have le mula, a Subaru Baha Sport, yellow.

Now off to sleep for a few hours before I go off to work from 16:00 - 23:00, bleh

Orecle

I think I'm stuck back in that phase or rut that I was in before....

I think this because even now, I'm talking to you, and none of the things I want to say are able to be said.

Such thoughts and memories as usual flood me, as they always do for you, but more so apparent and crossing over most of my tracks of thoughts instead of being in certain tracks......

Random talking of cookies at this particular moment in time.
How much I wish I was there.....

Once more

I dreamt of you again

I know this isn't anything new or out of the ordinary......


A moment is all it takes

Wonderment

This was a day of wonderment for me.

After far too long, I was able to spend such an amount of time with you again.

As such, I am beyond moments, and surely I am to pay for such a wonderful time in turn with at least a day or more of miseries, as such is the way these things do go. But I am at peace with this, for as such, only the one moment surpasses the joy in which I receive from being near you once more.

I am more than pleased with such.

The completeness of it, I cannot truly express, but I am sure you at least understand it to a point.

Enjoy Grimm, I am sure you will.


Also, as such, saw The Avengers because you said I should, and I am pleased with it as well, for my favorite character from the Marvel Universe was shown in the end of it, and it only gives me hope that they will create the movie on the single Marvel series I like most, The Infinity Gauntlet. If you know not of it, simply tell me, and I will set up for you to get it along with the Yugi game.


~ Le Mat

Greer Ensigiaer

We haven't talked in more than a few days, and it feels very odd. And I don't like it........

I miss you.....

Uile Caras

Lots of games of questions as of late, very fun, but some questions are very much wrenching, but in a good way this time.

More talking, on a regular basis is wonderful, and I'm loving every moment of it.

I'm sorry I fell asleep last night >.< It was from the night before because I went to sleep at midnight(local) and had to be up at midnight(your time) in order to walk from Brewster to Yarmouth, near Hyannis, to have breakfast with my gramdnother and my dad. Blueberry pancakes, totally awesome.

Didn't get any extra sleep during the day, so when I got back last night, I was a walking zombie, so to speak, but I wanted to at least say hi, and I felt like I was more awake, until I woke upafter randomly popping out for about 10, 15 minutes. I didn't want to get off, but I would have kept passing in and out >.<

I'm just happy that you're so understanding :)

Hau Hau Eilad

Blast of color to my face, smiling. This is good.

Thank you mein Licht.

Hope the day is well for you

Ofil

And now I wait........


I am Le Mat, the comfort in hell, and for all but myself, my soul I do sell......

Euaj Illeuh

So you've been asking me what those things are that I've been too shy and scared to ask.

>.<

After realizing that you'll never let it be, I gave in on a part of it.

I told you that I'm still in love with you, in a direct message to you, instead of through this blog, or my poetry on dA, which is normally my style. I'm not very good with the direct telling of my emotions like that and despite the fact that I've actually always told you directly, it's because I eventually overcame myself so I could tell you, because of how much I love you, and what I feel for you.


I wrote this before the last time, the night that we talked and the last time I told you that I still loved you:

In but a few moments,
There are words I shall speak,
That I have not spoken,
For I have been weak,
All that are true and tell no lies,
All that I can wish for,
A response not "hope he dies",
For those are words,
Translated as pain,
At least in the way,
They are perceived in my brain,
And hollow my heart,
All ceramic and tine,
She is nearly upon me,
Now is the time......

Now again, my mind and heart are filled with fear because of everything that has happened, and because of everything that I feel and wish for.

Here's a real blast, the first poem that I wrote of you:

Once again my heart is lite,
My soul takes flight for her,
As in the dark I lay here,
The sky becomes a blur,
These tears are clouding my vision,
These tears of utter joy,
For I've not been this happy,
Since I was a little boy,
She'll soon see the truth,
What she's done for me,
Hopefully she'll understand,
And then we can be free,
For only she can see me,
For who I am inside,
She has taken all my hopes,
And given them their flight,
She is my dream and pride,
The one whom is inside,
She's the angel I hold,
The beauty that is pretty,
And keeps away the cold,
She is the one I love.......

This poem still holds true to this day.

This is another, which has in fact been one of the dreams the continues to play through me when I sleep, almost the same each time:

A dream of a dream in the place that I woke,
Where voice of the angel in demon soon spoke,
Words that were said and the heart soon broke,
But held to a promise all mapped out in hope,
That once in the future hands would be held,
And hearts that were broken would mend then to meld,
For songs of the past and of a dark side,
Are where now my mind has chosen to hide,
This place where I woke is only up to my knees,
Surrounded by nothing but waters and trees,
The water is up by a foot maybe two,
And the trees are but four with leaves that are blue,
The sky is but grey and no clouds to be seen,
And the moon is not silver but more of a green,
And right where I stand below my bleeding feet,
There is no sand, there's really nothing at all,
I stand here not clothed and feel nothing of shame,
And see of the angel as she was when I came,
Standing alone and so strong with her pride,
Yet with her eyes filled of tears that she'd cried,
The place all before me is colder than stone,
But as warm and embracing as once I had known,
So thus by my heart a song soon I openly sang,
And by the blue leaves and moon my voice rang,
To show to the angel my love was true,
To tell to the angel words only a few,
To angel the words,
I Love You.....

I swear this is the last poem I'm going to put into this entry!

The dream, the dream,
That looks at me,
Cannot see the words I scream,
Cannot feel my pain within,
That breaks my heart,
Apart at it's seams,
The dream, the dream,
That stands so near,
Cannot comprehend my fear,
As here I see her oh so close,
With the image inside,
Of the dream by the tide,
The dream, the dream,
That held me once,
In comparison, is one so fun,
The dream, the dream,
With arms held high,
Laughs and runs,
And plays with my eyes,
Unknowingly so,
The dream has returned,
Bringing again,
The relics of old,
The dream, the dream,
Again Will I hold,
For always your's,
And always mine,
The words that were written,
Once upon a time,
The dream, the dream,
That once wrote of me,
Is all for the moment,
That I clearly see,
The dream, the dream,
Eternal........

Side note that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this enrty, I finally beat the Elite Four with a single pokemon that I raised myself.


I am utterly terrible, even when writing/typing things out, because even so I know that I won't delete anything that I've put here, simply to keep at bay from being read entirely, or more so I should say to take up time to make it further off, even though I don't truly want it to be further off, and in fact wish that it were something said so far back in our pasts.


Another of the things that weighs on my mind so terribly is that I want to know if you still love me, it might seem terribly selfish of me, and I know that. Because honestly, I saw a complete set of life with you, and it still weighs in my mind because of my feelings for you, and how right it feels to me. Of course now I both want to know, and I don't want to know. The not wanting to know whether or not you still feel that way, is from fear of the negative, and it's something I feel would tear at me more if it were to be not.


For the moment, I believe that is sufficient enough for me to say......ok, so I don't really believe that, but I don't want to put everything out all at once....ok so that's not quite true either....I just don't want to face the possibility of so much negative directed at me.......


~Always For You, As I Live, As I Breathe

Fila Nos Akaechi

So we've been talking, and this makes me feel wonderous.

Of course, now we've hit a wall in things, because now that we're talking again, not being in person, we have no idea what to talk about, and it's a bit like an akward turtle.

Still, I am still seeing in color of the world with us talking, even about random things like the UK/Japan only Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland DS game, and other random things as such.

Nightmares and dreams are still about in my nights when I do sleep, but not everynight as they were, and less of the nightmares and more of the dreams. Not really sure if that's good or not though.


And of course there a great many things I'd wish to say and ask and talk about, but I'm terrible shy and scared of such talks because of the possibility of the negative things that would or could be said in return to my sayings :/

Diena Lofia

The last few days have been exceptional, at least to me they have.

Been happy to be able to talk with you, and it's made me feel for lack of a better word, better.

Color is good, and it's something you've brought me :)


"When the sun found the moon, she was drinking tea in a garden, under the green, umbrella trees, in the middle of summer"

Is it terrible that it makes me think of you?

Leiak Hafk

A glimmer of color? I think so

*Side Note - Doctor Who DS games ftw

Reitucus

Well, randomly thinking of you once more.

Someone brought you up in converstation with me, nothing negative, but they asked me about the past. I asked why they were asking, they told me they were just wondering. I moved the conversation away from the topic of you, and switched it over to randomly beingabout Pokemon and how the anime is now terrible.

I was afraid of what would be said if the conversation had continued about you.
I didnt want to put myself into it again, and of course, the mention of you has again overrun my mind.


Hoping you are well