Euaj Illeuh

So you've been asking me what those things are that I've been too shy and scared to ask.

>.<

After realizing that you'll never let it be, I gave in on a part of it.

I told you that I'm still in love with you, in a direct message to you, instead of through this blog, or my poetry on dA, which is normally my style. I'm not very good with the direct telling of my emotions like that and despite the fact that I've actually always told you directly, it's because I eventually overcame myself so I could tell you, because of how much I love you, and what I feel for you.


I wrote this before the last time, the night that we talked and the last time I told you that I still loved you:

In but a few moments,
There are words I shall speak,
That I have not spoken,
For I have been weak,
All that are true and tell no lies,
All that I can wish for,
A response not "hope he dies",
For those are words,
Translated as pain,
At least in the way,
They are perceived in my brain,
And hollow my heart,
All ceramic and tine,
She is nearly upon me,
Now is the time......

Now again, my mind and heart are filled with fear because of everything that has happened, and because of everything that I feel and wish for.

Here's a real blast, the first poem that I wrote of you:

Once again my heart is lite,
My soul takes flight for her,
As in the dark I lay here,
The sky becomes a blur,
These tears are clouding my vision,
These tears of utter joy,
For I've not been this happy,
Since I was a little boy,
She'll soon see the truth,
What she's done for me,
Hopefully she'll understand,
And then we can be free,
For only she can see me,
For who I am inside,
She has taken all my hopes,
And given them their flight,
She is my dream and pride,
The one whom is inside,
She's the angel I hold,
The beauty that is pretty,
And keeps away the cold,
She is the one I love.......

This poem still holds true to this day.

This is another, which has in fact been one of the dreams the continues to play through me when I sleep, almost the same each time:

A dream of a dream in the place that I woke,
Where voice of the angel in demon soon spoke,
Words that were said and the heart soon broke,
But held to a promise all mapped out in hope,
That once in the future hands would be held,
And hearts that were broken would mend then to meld,
For songs of the past and of a dark side,
Are where now my mind has chosen to hide,
This place where I woke is only up to my knees,
Surrounded by nothing but waters and trees,
The water is up by a foot maybe two,
And the trees are but four with leaves that are blue,
The sky is but grey and no clouds to be seen,
And the moon is not silver but more of a green,
And right where I stand below my bleeding feet,
There is no sand, there's really nothing at all,
I stand here not clothed and feel nothing of shame,
And see of the angel as she was when I came,
Standing alone and so strong with her pride,
Yet with her eyes filled of tears that she'd cried,
The place all before me is colder than stone,
But as warm and embracing as once I had known,
So thus by my heart a song soon I openly sang,
And by the blue leaves and moon my voice rang,
To show to the angel my love was true,
To tell to the angel words only a few,
To angel the words,
I Love You.....

I swear this is the last poem I'm going to put into this entry!

The dream, the dream,
That looks at me,
Cannot see the words I scream,
Cannot feel my pain within,
That breaks my heart,
Apart at it's seams,
The dream, the dream,
That stands so near,
Cannot comprehend my fear,
As here I see her oh so close,
With the image inside,
Of the dream by the tide,
The dream, the dream,
That held me once,
In comparison, is one so fun,
The dream, the dream,
With arms held high,
Laughs and runs,
And plays with my eyes,
Unknowingly so,
The dream has returned,
Bringing again,
The relics of old,
The dream, the dream,
Again Will I hold,
For always your's,
And always mine,
The words that were written,
Once upon a time,
The dream, the dream,
That once wrote of me,
Is all for the moment,
That I clearly see,
The dream, the dream,
Eternal........

Side note that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this enrty, I finally beat the Elite Four with a single pokemon that I raised myself.


I am utterly terrible, even when writing/typing things out, because even so I know that I won't delete anything that I've put here, simply to keep at bay from being read entirely, or more so I should say to take up time to make it further off, even though I don't truly want it to be further off, and in fact wish that it were something said so far back in our pasts.


Another of the things that weighs on my mind so terribly is that I want to know if you still love me, it might seem terribly selfish of me, and I know that. Because honestly, I saw a complete set of life with you, and it still weighs in my mind because of my feelings for you, and how right it feels to me. Of course now I both want to know, and I don't want to know. The not wanting to know whether or not you still feel that way, is from fear of the negative, and it's something I feel would tear at me more if it were to be not.


For the moment, I believe that is sufficient enough for me to say......ok, so I don't really believe that, but I don't want to put everything out all at once....ok so that's not quite true either....I just don't want to face the possibility of so much negative directed at me.......


~Always For You, As I Live, As I Breathe