You should know.....

I still love you, and I know that I hurt you.....

Someone we know told me that they felt terrible about what was going on, they found out how I felt about you, and they told me that it was their fault that you were with him, they told me that if they had known how I felt before, that they wouldn't have pushed you two together.
At that time I didn't really know that person too well, and I trusted her, she told me that she wanted to help me, and that she thought I was a better person than him. She lied to me, and she took the few things I said, twisted them, and fed them to everyone. She told me that he had been saying negative things of me, along with the one he lived with. Even now she continues to act as if she is a good friend.

When everything happened between us, I had been more happy than I had been in years, and when it came to an end I felt hurt, and it made me feel as if I had been led on. A couple people we know asked me what was wrong, and without thinking about what would happen, I told them how I felt like I had been led on.

When you talked to me after someone else we know said I'd hurt him the day before, what you told me hurt, and I didn't think about anything I was doing, I kept to myself for an hour, but that person who had been saying she'd help me, saw I was upset and asked me what was going on, and without thinking I went on a rant about how I felt hurt, and I said something that you had told me. I didnt mean to say it, and I know that when you heard it, you were hurt more than I will truly know. The moment it had left my mouth I tried to stop it, she told me that she wouldn't tell anyone, but within a short time she had told everyone, and I was damned by the words that I hadnt meant to say.

Before everything had happened, I had dreamed about you since we had first dated, and I had been afraid, but every thought of you made me feel lighter. When you actually came to talk to me, I was afraid, and I was relieved. You gave me the chance to talk to you, and I was able to tell you how I felt.

When you told me it couldn't be any longer, I had gone straight to a bottle, it wasn't healthy, and it wasnt the best choice. When you found out, you told me to stop drinking, and that if anything happened to me, that you were going to kill me. I stopped drinking, and I promised you that not another drop of alchohol would touch my lips for a month. You told me not to make that promise, but I did, and I didn't drink any more that night. I didn't drink anymore for almost a year, because despite everything that happened, I felt that I had to keep to that.


I hurt you, and I won't be able to change that, nothing I say can make it right, and no matter what it still happened. It was my fault that all of those problems occured, and I will never be able to express my sorrow of it, nor how sorry I am.